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Joy to the World, it is the Holiday season!

In America, the holiday season stretches all the way from Halloween time until the New Year.  That is almost three whole months of time that you have to manage family expectations for where you spend what days, who gets what gifts, and who hosts what dinners.

Let’s face it. Holidays can be stressful for any family.

Add in the fact that sometimes you have unsaved family that chooses to celebrate the holiday season very differently than you. This can give you a whole pile of emotional decision-making to endure!

Our Family’s Story

Growing up, my family barely touched Halloween at all. We feasted at Thanksgiving in large crowds of family and friends. And our Christmas celebrations happened entirely on Christmas Eve starting with the Christmas Eve program and stretching past midnight as we opened presents together. Often, New Year’s Eve strolled by with barely a nod except for perhaps a late game night.

In contrast, my husband grew up celebrating Halloween like crazy. They hit the streets for several hours of trick or treating. Costumes were planned. When they came home, his mom had a huge homemade lasagna waiting for them devour. Thanksgiving passed by as only a day of football and food for their closest family. Come Christmas time, they opened presents with one grandparent’s side and then the other before coming home to open their own. By the time the New Year came around, they rarely even stayed up except to finish a puzzle together.

By far the biggest contrast between our two families is the fact that I come from several generations of Christians who would celebrate only the Christian reason for any season or they wouldn’t celebrate it all.

My husband grew up in an atheist family where holidays were celebrated for what they could get out of them, not what they could give or share together. And there was definitely no mention of any Christian aspects except maybe a stray manger scene that happened to get set up.

Now We Are A Family…

When my husband and I married, I can safely say we had no idea how much juggling the holiday season would require of us and our schedules, especially once the kids came along. Nor did we realize how much of a spiritual battle the holiday season would be!

Halloween

For starters, I honestly wasn’t even going to do a single thing for Halloween. However, my husband, as a new believer on fire in his faith, was ecstatic to use this time of the year to share his new Christian faith. So, for the past several years, we hand out candy and tracts and participate in Trunk or Treat events to share our faith. And I am learning to plan out the kid’s Halloween costumes a little more in advance now than I used to! 🙂

We carefully guard against doing any costumes or decorations that might glorify anything about the dark side of Halloween. Honestly, we are the weird family that carves crosses and Bible verses into our pumpkins.

Since Nick’s family enjoys Halloween so much they definitely get to experience this with us. While they have never said anything about it, we know they notice the differences. And we pray that those differences will be another tool that God uses to soften their hearts towards His light and His love.

Thanksgiving

For several years, we simply spent Thanksgiving with Nick’s family. They wanted us there and my family already had groups of people who were always with them. Then one year the weather made it so we couldn’t even leave our house. So we ate frozen pizzas and watched old movies and it is by far the most fondly remembered Thanksgiving we have.

Since that year, we have actually served as the host to BOTH of our families at our own home. It has been a nice way to join our families and not have to drive for hours with young kids! Plus we get to focus our day a little more on giving thanks to God for His blessings rather than just eating way too much food.

Christmas

Finally, we join my family for Christmas Eve. The evening begins with a family dinner before the Christmas Eve program. (This year our littles will actually be in the program! 🙂 ) Afterwards we go back to my parent’s home for a short evening of unwrapping gifts and eating Christmas cookies before we take the kids home to bed.

Usually the next day we drive to my husband’s family and spend the day with them-weather permitting. Other years, we have spent Christmas Day to ourselves and just enjoyed our own family time.Then on the nearest weekend to Christmas we travel to my husband’s family for a big celebration. Presents definitely abound.

By far, this is the holiday we still struggle with the most. Mainly because we are trying to keep our Christmas times simple and focused on Christ.

It is hard when we have so many different times that seem focused on gifts. Thankfully now that the kids are getting older, we spend the whole month preparing all of our hearts through Advent readings and activities.

Plus, we made the decision to not even really involve a Santa aspect to Christmas for our kids. It was something I never really did and Nick agrees that this is just another distraction to pull us away from the meaning of the Christmas season. Also, we don’t need to add a pile of gifts from Santa to our kids already stuffed inventory of gifts.

Instead, we truly do spend the whole month finding every opportunity possible to demonstrate the real reason for Christmas to our kids. It’s always a challenge and a balancing act!

New Year’s Eve/Day

Okay, I will be honest. New Year’s Eve just means another day for us. Our kids are too young to stay up past their bedtime. And, quite frankly, I don’t even want to imagine what kind of zombie I would be if I stayed up that late. This momma needs her sleep! 🙂

At most, in the future, we might do family game nights together as we await the stroke of midnight but that is still several years away for us.

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Ways To Survive The Holidays With Unsaved Family Members

Okay, here are some of the survival tactics that we have learned over the past six years as we mesh our holiday celebrations with family members who are not celebrating the seasons with the same Biblical view point as our own.

Stay Christ-Centered

No matter what holiday we are discussing, the most important aspect to remember is that we are to honor and glorify God first.

Christ is to the center of our existence. Living for Him is what matters most. If your family feels called to step away completely from your unsaved family during a certain season, don’t shun that calling of God. It is not easy to be different from the world but obedience to God is more important than fitting in.

Also, if your family feels called to embrace extra time with your unsaved family members during these seasons, please enter into this calling with eyes wide open to how God wants you to use each and every encounter with them!

Just remember to keep Christ first and foremost.

 

Pray Constantly

There is a reason Paul states that we are to, “Pray without ceasing.”

Prayer is the glue that holds our relationship with God together. Also, prayer is the best weapon we have against Satan’s attacks as we walk through stressful situations with our unsaved family member during the holidays.

When you are not sure, pray. When you don’t want to have another challenging conversation, pray. As you plan another meal that you know will be strained and awkward, pray. Just keep praying. Trust that God has a perfect plan. Place it all in His tender caring hands.

Pray even more for your unsaved family members this holiday season!

 

Stay Grounded In The Bible

If anyone else is like me, spending extra time in Bible study during the holidays sounds like just another thing to add to my to-do list.

But if there is one other area besides prayer that will help you stay grounded in your faith through the storm of the holiday stresses, it is truth from God’s Word.

Post Bible verses that will help you refocus on Jesus around the house where you will see them frequently. Set aside a night or two a week to shut off the television and spend more time reading from God’s Word. Even as you wrap gifts or prepare meals, set up an audio Bible to read aloud to you as you work. Do what ever it takes to infuse extra amounts of Scripture into your heart and mind.

God will use these times of extra study to reveal Himself to you and to help renew your mind so you can see what He would have you to see.

Plus, you never know when your unsaved family might notice how you turn to God’s Word rather than alcohol or shopping sprees or fits of weeping in despair during the harder parts of the season. They are watching you more than you will ever know. As they witness you quietly and humbly drawing strength from God and the Bible, they might just have to wonder what is so powerful about this Savior you serve!

 

Set Your Boundaries

Setting boundaries is just a fancy way of saying that you know what you will say yes to and what you will say no to.

When it comes to the holidays, there is always mores happening than you will have time to do. Set down with your husbands and kids and decide what boundaries you will establish for each holiday.

Again, this will look very different for different Christian families. For some, this means not participating in any Halloween events because it glorifies Satan and you know God doesn’t want your family to be a part of that.

For others, this may mean that you will say a prayer before the Thanksgiving Dinner and each express something that you are thankful to God for, even if you are seated a table with an atheist who chooses to not participate.

Perhaps you will feel God calling you to step away entirely from Santa-related activities and only focus on the Jesus-centered portions of Christmas activities.

Whatever boundaries your family needs to make before the holidays, discuss it and settle it together.

 

Plan Ahead

Okay, here is probably the most practical advice I can ever give you that has helped us. Plan ahead. Way ahead. Like months in advance ahead.

Don’t leave anyone wondering who will be trick or treating at which Grandma’s house. Decide what dishes everyone will bring to Thanksgiving to help the host prepare well in advance. Most of all, set aside specific times on and around Christmas Day to make sure that no one who should be visited is missed.

Plan like a crazy person. Even if those plans end up having to be tweaked as you get closer to the actual day, that is okay. It is better to tweak a few plans than fly by the seat of your pants and have to make many uncomfortable last minute decisions that leave your family feeling slighted.

Nick’s family knows that Santa is not something we really do. So does my family. We purposely plan to NOT go stand in any lines to visit Santa. As simple as this sounds, it was a big boundary to set. This one decision relieves a lot of pressure on the schedule for family time spent together. Planning ahead and making those expectations known about what will and will not be planned is vital. Which leads to my next point…

 

Communicate Often

Communication is key to any relationship. Add strain to the relationship such as differences in beliefs over a holiday season and the need to communicate skyrockets.

Unfortunately, I am very guilty of being a poor communicator to our families. Throughout our marriage, I have had to deal with the consequences of my own failure to just talk!

Please take the time to set your boundaries and discuss those boundaries with your loved ones, especially with those who you differ. Even if you just have to agree to stay apart for a season due to the differences, at least it will be after visiting and communicating about it first.

Talk with your unsaved family members often and keep the communication lines open to make sure that you at least understand what you are both going to be doing and not doing.

 

Spread God’s Love Freely

As you set boundaries and speak often with your family about what will and won’t be happening during the holidays, make sure that you are spreading God’s love. In 1 Corinthians, Paul reminds us that even if we are doing amazing things but failing to love with God’s love, it doesn’t matter!

Seriously, pray for the Holy Spirit’s help to love them. Spend extra effort and attention to pour additional love and grace into all your interactions with your unsaved family.

Make every effort on your part to demonstrate God’s love towards each and every one of your family members, whether they are saved or not!

 

Be Bold About Your Faith

Finally, and this one is hardest of them all, be bold about your faith. In a world that says we should just be quiet, step up and be bold. No, this does not mean that you are stuffing the Bible down your loved one’s throats. But it also does not mean that you live in secret and never share your faith either.

Trust me when I say I know this is such a hard balance to find. Honestly, I can’t say if I have ever found it perfectly myself yet!

Mostly, it is taking moments and opportunities that God shows and making the most of them. In our family’s case, it means we still attend a church even when we are with our unsaved family members. They are always welcome to join us if they want but we will attend church.

Big Chances For Boldness

From time to time, a bigger opportunity will arise. This past year, Nick’s grandma found herself with cancer and only a few weeks to live. While we have never kept our faith secret, she also never willingly wanted to visit about Christianity either.

Knowing there was only a matter of weeks left in her life gave us a door to give her a Bible and share God’s plan of salvation and His love with her on a level that she never would have accepted previously. Unfortunately, not long after our conversation she became quite disorientated from medications so we never were afforded a chance for another coherent conversation to find out what she decided.

We can rest in knowing that she heard of God’s love and salvation one more time. And we pray that God reached her even in those final days and moments in ways that we won’t know about until heaven.

Having unsaved family members is heart-breaking. Let our pain from these relationships cause us to lean even closer to God!

No matter whether it is a big or a little opportunity, live your faith boldly. Use these special seasons to be the salt that helps your family crave a relationship with God!

 

Your Turn

Okay, I shared in length how we celebrated our holidays and mix mashed our family’s different traditions with some of our own. Now it is your turn! Please take a few minutes to share how your family deals with the holidays. How do you handle time with both your saved and unsaved family members?

What tips do you have that help your family stay Christ-centered during the holiday crazies?

Thanks for stopping by!

 

 

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