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Ladies, I think I have been spending a little too much time with my husband this summer.

We ended up taking on three separate projects this summer that required us spending every moment together working as a team.

Honestly, my husband and I already spend most of his hours away from work together. It is rare to see one of us without the other. Which is why this summer was so shocking to me. I mean we have been married for six years.  But we have never had to work so cohesively as a team on projects that were completely out of our comfort zone.

And let me tell you, it showed some days!

As the summer wore on, so did our patience with each other.

Basically, we have spent a whole summer in what I like to call “marriage boot camp.” We definitely weren’t expecting that when we started these projects!

But I am thankful for this summer. God has definitely used these stressful times to teach me to love my husband better and vice versa. And God has really been highlighting one lesson in particular to me. That I need to love my husband like I would love my neighbor.

A Command To Love Your Neighbor

In Matthew, Jesus highlights the two greatest commandments. First, to love God and second, to love your neighbor as yourself.

My selfish sin-filled nature definitely makes me want to love myself and look out for myself more than anyone else. However, as the Holy Spirit takes over my life and my desires, I am able to start to live out this second command.

And I’ll be honest, neighbors that don’t live in my house can be relatively easy to love. Don’t get me wrong. Some people have hurt me and needed large amounts of forgiveness! Other people are just grating to be near. Yet God helps me extend grace-filled loving responses much of the time.

But I don’t live under the same roof as any of those people.

I do live with my husband. And he is my neighbor. And living out Jesus command to “love you neighbor” when that is my husband is HARD!!!

How To Love Our Husband Like Our Neighbor

Okay, let’s look at some ways that we are to love our neighbor and see how that can apply to our marriages!

 

Showing Christ-like Love

Christ loves us whether we are acting lovely or not. In the same way, we should be loving to our husband even if it is a forced decision.

Often, it is easy to fall for the lie that I have to have the romantic feelings of love before I can show my husband love. That could not be farther from the truth! Romantic feelings are not the precursor to loving actions.

Holy Spirit-empowered decisions are the fuel for loving actions towards our husband. I have to be the one who decides in the worst and most challenging moments to show Christ’s love to my husband. Especially when he is not deserving of it!

 

Considering His Needs First

If we are to love someone more than ourselves, it will naturally mean that we have to start considering their needs before our own needs.

Within my marriage, it means changing up meal plans from some of my favorite things to prepare (soup and salads) to something that my husband actually finds appetizing (pretty much anything but soups and salads.)

Frequently, these are little choices that put his needs and desires above your own. However, don’t underestimate the power of these seemingly small choices. Over the years, they will do much to cause your marriage to thrive and grow!

 

Helping Him Through Tough Times

Tough times happen. Jobs end. Moves are necessary. Health issues come up. In-laws annoy. Money is not as plentiful as the bills. Coworkers blame. Kids distract.

Christians are called to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. When we love our neighbor, we truly do walk with them through the natural highs and lows of life.

Except maybe when it is our husband. When tough times hit, we find ourselves more inclined to blame, snap at, or shut out our spouse. Rather than being a support system when he is at his weakest, he finds us to be the sharpest blade cutting at his very heart and soul with our mean-spirited reactions.

Make sure to love your neighbor when the hardest of times happen. Help him to know you are always in his corner when life is toughest.

 

Speaking Words of Kindness

Studies have been done that show plants shrivel or grow healthier based on the words spoken to them. If simple greenery can respond to the effects of the spoken word, than your spouse certainly is not an exception either!

Speak words of thankfulness to him. Share three positive things that happened in the day before you move onto the grievances. (Remember you don’t have to sugar coat things. Simply let the first moments of your interactions be positive ones!) Find ways to highlight the good that surrounds you both. Build up your husband by speaking kindly to his face as well as behind his back. Brag about him and thank him often.

Build up your husband so that he knows the words that he will hear from you will be ones of kindness and Christian love.

 

Praying For Him Everyday

No matter what is happening in your marriage, you can be lifting your husband up in prayer.

Pray for him when he is driving you crazy. Praise God for him when he is going through the best year of his life. Lift him up in prayer as he faces dark days of doubt. Thank God for the husband He has given you. Plead with God to work miracles in your husband’s life.

But pray for him every single day.

 

 

Granting Him Some Grace

In my marriage my husband and I have fought over some pretty silly things-like hangers being in the wrong closet and where to deposit fingernail clippings. Some petty stuff that caused some big waves.

Along the way, we have both made mistakes too. Lots of mistakes. My lack of directions got us lost in scary parts of NYC when we were road tripping. A couple of times I managed to totally botch dinner so badly that we ended up eating sandwiches instead. Often, I fail to listen or respond in tones that convey my respect and admiration for him.

He makes mistakes. He buys the type of Kleenex that I absolutely can’t stand. From time to time he forgets to text me back after reading my text. Sometimes, he is even grumpy and untalkative when I want us to talk.

Here’s the thing. We are two sinful human beings that have good, bad, and horrible days. During the course of those days, we have to give each other a LOT of grace. Grace can look different depending on the day and situation but you can be sure it will be needed and appreciated!

God grants us grace when we definitely were not deserving of grace. We are to give grace to those around us. Let’s not forget to extend extra measures of that grace to our own husband.

 

Forgiving Him Often

Along with grace, your husband will need forgiveness. I believe it was Ruth Bell Graham, wife to the famous Billy Graham, who was quoted as saying, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

When he messes up for the seventeenth thousand time that day (or so it feels!) ask God to help you forgive. Extend your forgiveness often and willingly. Let past offenses be times of growth and learning in your marriage and then move on.

Forgiveness keeps bitterness at bay and allows for Christ-like love to flourish.

 

Serving His Daily Needs

For my husband, this one is huge because his Love Language is all about Acts of Service. Finding practical ways to serve him throughout my day just fills him up with love!

However, whether your husband is all about Acts of Service or not, I am sure there are simple ways you can help fulfill his daily needs. In my case, this often looks like making sure all the things he needs to leave for work is by the door when he leaves in the morning.

Think about what some needs your husband has expressed that you could possibly help him with in the course of his day.

 

Other Resources To Consider

If you want to know more about learning to love your husband (especially when he is being your annoying neighbor!) then I definitely recommend you check out these great resources.

The 5 Love Languages Learn what love languages your husband speaks so you can love him better on a daily basis!

Love & Respect Help yourself understand why your husband craves respect and how that affects your marriage.

For Women Only Hear from thousands of other husbands about what really goes on in the mind of your husband. 🙂

 

Your Turn

What are some ways that you show love to those who do not live in your home?

Are there ways that you can take what you do to demonstrate Christ’s love to others and also turn it into an expression of love towards your own spouse?

Please take a few minutes and share how you love your neighbor when he is your husband! Let’s inspire each with ideas on how to be the wives God has called us to be!

 

Thanks for stopping by!

 

 

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